Ghosts’n Goblins for the iPhone? Is this a joke?!?

October 7, 2009 · Filed Under Babel fish, Videogaming 

Babel fish - A mental interface between Sir Arthur's sensibility and the events from the outer world. And for all the rest, too In all the phases of my life as a videogamer there has always been an episode of the Ghosts’n Goblins series. When I was barely able to reach the arcade sticks there was the first GnG, some years later I could place my eyes directly into the screen of my beloved Ghouls’n Ghosts, then (on the emulators) I discovered Super Ghouls’n Ghosts for SNES and lastly, in these years, I purchased the Sony PSP just to be able to play to Ultimate Ghosts’n Goblins (both versions).

It will be understandable at this point that I am an enthusiast of the series, capable of trying for more than 15 years to beat the first, damned chapter and succeeding in it only after a lot of practice on the PC with MAME, haughty enough to consider myself a playing deity with the second episode (actually the deity is a little bit rusty) and adequately skilled to beat (more or less) with ease all the possible iterations of Ultimate GnG on the PSP that many have defined practically impossible to complete.

In short I have some experience with Capcom’s Makamura series that, even though it still lacks a lot and should be integrated as of the console versions (Super GnG first of all), allows me anyway to serenely and undoubtedly slap the abomination that the Japanese company is about to produce with a Ghosts’n Goblins (or Ghouls’n Ghosts or whatever) for iPhone, very likely the only version/conversion/sequel of the game that will be never worth of my money now and forever.

iPhone, for the few lucky people that still didn’t know, is that extremely expensive Apple’s little toy that sells itself as a cellphone and then it would like to oblige you to make very different things, ie to act like the dumb hen that in the sealed Steve “1984″ Jobs’s roost pecks Apple’s bran, uses Apple and partners’ services, downloads and installs Apple’s certified applications and does almost everything one can do with a nowadays smartphone equipped with a multi-touch screen. Granted that Apple allow it.

Ghosts'n Goblins for iPhone - screenshot 1

So, if the shame of being obliged to purchase an expensive smartphone-shaped mini-W.C. where you have to ask permission to Apple even if you want to pee wouldn’t be enough, the true craziness of this ridiculous “iGnG” that Capcom presented at this year’s Tokyo Game Show is the utter absence of whatsoever controller worth of the name. The GnG experience has always been closely related to the controller type, I had an hard type while switching from the arcade stick (or from the keyboard) to the PSP mini-joypad but the lack of a controller and the idea to have to frantically push on the screen literally drive me nuts.

Because here we have just two chances: either Capcom has preferred a game fanatics thoughtless unexperienced people-proof hence the shoot’em up part of the platformer is reduced to a sop ridiculous for a guy like me, or the frantic and almost crazy GnG arcade essence is still there therefore I really can’t figure out what absurd mess would come out. To explain what I am talking about, if the average frequency of the left mouse/joypad button usage in a first person shooter is 3 on 10, with GnG the frequency easily reaches 7 on 10 and more…

At this point the game details as the use of a 3D engine in a 2D perspective like in Ultimate GnG, or the possibility (another pretty questionable innovation) to choose from two different protagonists at the beginning of the adventure (Arthur or Lancelot) mean almost nothing. If Capcom will really take the train of the ongoing iPhone-mania with a sub-product worth of the most gross casual gaming I refuse to define “videogame” I won’t be there, because playing still is a meaningful activity to me. Contrariwise, it seems, to the rest of the world. What a sadness….

Ghosts'n Goblins for iPhone - screenshot 2

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One Response to “Ghosts’n Goblins for the iPhone? Is this a joke?!?”

  1. Sir Arthur, King of Ghouls'n Ghosts on October 21st, 2009 5:53 pm

    First screenshots from the iPhone version of GnG.

    Casual shitware. Preventively rejected.


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